Snakes on a Plane
Word of caution – don’t watch this movie alone. Not because it’s too scary to watch by yourself, but because misery loves company. I love a good “bad” movie, but I didn’t find it here. In my search for a perfect bad movie, I once watched From Justine to Kelly. Really.
The premise of this movie is to kill the witness on his way from Hawaii to Los Angeles to testify against a mob boss. The bad guy has managed to get a “Lethal Snakes of the World” variety pack placed in the cargo hold of South Pacific Airlines flight 121. He’s also arranged to have all of the flowers in the leis sprayed with pheromones, you know, just so that the movie makers can have an explanation of why the snakes viscously invade all human orifices.
The dialog was juvenile and I can only imagine how some of it came about:
“Hey, like wouldn’t it be cool if we have some guy and this hot chick doing it in the john and she’s naked and like this snake comes down through the air vent and bites her nipple?”
“Oh Dude, that would be so cool. You know what else? We could have some guy use the other john and we’ll have him talk to his penis and say “how’s my big boy doing?” just so the audience knows he’s got a big dick and then like, he looks in the mirror while he’s taking a piss and then the snake comes up through the toilet and gets pissed on and so the snake attacks his penis”
“Oh, yeah, that would be rad! And his last words could be “You f*cking Bitch, get off my dick”.
Yeah, it’s that bad. There was a moment I thought things could turn around, when the oxygen masks deploy and masks and snakes come streaming down on the already terrified passengers and someone says “What the F*ck?”. It made me laugh out loud, just that once.
The height of ridiculousness comes when an enormous python makes an appearance and devours the annoying Englishman, after he’s just tossed a passengers yappy little accessory dog to the snake hoping to quell it’s appetite.
The move is bad and repulsive. You would think that in the making of a movie like Snakes on a Plane there would be some decent bloopers, but the gag reel is pathetic.
Even Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t save this movie. His explanation for wanting to be in the movie?
It’s all about going to the movies on Saturday when I was a kid, sitting in a dark theater with all my little friends and screaming and yelling and doing s— to people while the movie’s on, like taking a piece of wire or something and running it up somebody’s neck and making them scream.
Do you still want to watch the movie? Check out Ruthless Reviews before you do and you just might have a good time.
