The Road to Sunset
10086SunsetBoulevard.com was started in the fall of 2005, just after I experienced a couple of life changing events. The nutshell version is this; while I was away from my home in Los Angeles on a visit with my family to help scatter my Dad’s ashes, the man I had been with for seven years, moved a woman into our home and sent me an email telling me not to bother coming back. If you want to read more, I’ve written about it ad nauseum here.
When I read through my story, I’d like to remove all of those postings from the archives of the website or subject it all to revisionist history. I may add footnotes at some point, you know like “what the hell was I thinking?”, but I will leave the story up, because I still get e-mails from people who have stumbled upon my story and have been helped by it and reconsidered their plans for revenge. Time usually takes care of that stuff.
I looked for help when I was at the worst of my heartbreak, but found mostly bitter, scorned women, still talking about revenge years after their boyfriends or husbands had left. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like, if I didn’t let go of the painful feelings and the sting of betrayal. It wouldn’t have been a life worth living. As time went by, I no longer felt like a scorned woman, just a woman who had made a bad choice. At that point, I had to learn to forgive myself for the choices that had caused me such pain.
Concentrating on pulling my own life back together, losing weight and recovering became my obsession. I was overweight, broke and almost 50 when this happened. These weren’t the best odds to work with, but they were what they were. The odds that could be changed, I worked on, starting with the weight. I feel shallow to admit that fitting into a pair of jeans that hadn’t fit in years, almost seemed to mend my broken heart. At that point, I knew I’d get through the pain and bitterness.
As a teenager, I watched Sunset Boulevard, the movie, and all I could remember was the creepy old woman. Coming up fast on my fiftieth birthday, I watched the movie through different eyes. I was now the creepy old woman’s age. There is a line that William Holden’s character delivers in the movie; “There’s nothing tragic about being fifty. Not unless you’re trying to be twenty-five.” The line stuck with me. The last time I was single, I had been a much younger woman and now I was facing a whole new ball game. I did not want to go the way of the deluded Norma Desmond.
Sunset Boulevard, the website, helped me find my voice and to move forward. I’m still moving forward, still working on being healthy and getting more physically fit and working on a book. In looking back, becoming a Scorned Woman was the best thing that ever happened to me.