10086 Sunset Boulevard

“Do you know what you are here for today?”

“Yes, I certainly do.”

“Needle in the breast and all that.”

“Yup.”

“And you know that there will be two biopsies?”

“Yes I do.”

“Have you ever had a biopsy before?”

“No, never have.”

“Well, it’s not going to be comfortable, but not really painful.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve had children, right?”

“No, no children.”

“You’ve never had children?”

“No…. oh God, you’re not going to compare this to childbirth are you?”

“Well, I was going to say it’s not as painful as that.”

“I don’t like the ballpark you’re in, could we use a bee sting as a comparison point instead?”

“Yes, it’s kind of like a bee sting.”

“I had rabies shots once. Fourteen of them in the stomach.”

“There you go, it’s not going to be as painful as that.”

“Okay, I’m good.”

So began my biopsies. My mammogram technician was there and my sonogram technician was there. It was like a reunion. The only new face was the guy doing the surgery and he was quite the character. A good time was had by all. It wasn’t painful, not a bit. The worst part about it was expecting the pain, and with two biopsies, there was plenty of time for that. I’m worn out from my own expectations of pain.

They had to do one on each side of the breast - they normally try to do everything with one incision, but the areas were too far apart. I’m left with two miniscule cuts and no stitches. It’s amazing they can do all that they did through such tiny incisions.

I’ve had two cups of tea and an Advil and I’m in my jammies and ready to watch some T.V. and have some popcorn. Tonight I’m just going to enjoy the relief of having this part over with and done.

Oh, and the radiologist says that although there are variables that have to be checked by the lab, he feels that from what he saw we’re most likely dealing with something benign. I like his thinking.

It’s here at last. My appointment is at two o’clock this afternoon. I’m fine. I didn’t toss and turn all night. Really, I didn’t.

I’m brave. I’m not scared at all, not nervous, nope, not me, not one little bit. I’ll post something later, after it’s all over.

Unless I’m under my covers in the fetal position.

I was in Kindergarten when I first learned about Dinosaurs. I was intrigued by the idea of them. I found them terrifying in an exhilarating kind of way. I couldn’t really comprehend the number of years that had gone between dinosaurs and the human race. To me, they had just been here and I had just missed them. I’ve always been waiting for dinosaurs to be discovered. Live ones. A few live ones living on an remote island. The lost world.

There were movies. Harryhausen created Dynamation, but from there the special effects seemed to stall, never making any real progress until Jurassic Park came along and the special effects wizards made the dinosaurs come to life. I’ve watched the movie too many times and even watched the subsequent sequels too often. Dismal movies, but for the special effects.

This morning there was a segment on the Today Show that has me very excited. In fact, downright giddy. The segment was about Walking With Dinosaurs; The Live Show. If you have ever seen the BBC series Walking With Dinosaurs, you know what an amazing top notch job they did on bringing the dinosaurs and their stories to life. Well, they’ve done better than that now, with the live show. You have to see it to believe it. The show is in Tacoma, Washington at the moment. I don’t know if it will be coming to California, but I’ll be anxiously awaiting it’s arrival with all the anticipation and excitement of a four year old Kindergarten kid.

Updated:  June 20th.

New biopsy date: June 22nd.

Rescheduled for June 25th.  But then, what’s the urgency?  Maybe it just doesn’t need to happen.

Do you remember when the name “Hilton” meant luxury and class? Ah, those were the days.

I’m not trying to judge here, I mean if I had been a child of such privilege, maybe I would have been a promiscuous lush too, who knows? I do know there would have been consequences to my actions. My mother HATES to be embarrassed. She used to bribe me to be a good girl when we went to the doctor or the dentist. If I was a good girl, which meant not crying, I got candy or a toy. If she was embarrassed by the tears of a five year old at the dentist’s office, can you imagine how she’d feel if I had turned out like Paris? I would have been disinherited at the very least. My Dad would have shaken his head and had that disappointed look on his face. The worst punishment of all.

She makes her own money now, so the parents probably hold no power over her. No threat. There’s the royalties from her award winning porno movie, but like a good heiress she contributes her income from the adult movie industry to charity. Most girls go into that business because they are desperate for the money just to survive. Paris is lucky. She has income from The Simple Life and soon she will have income from the sale of Chihuahua toys and Paris Perfume and Paris Watches and probably a movie deal or book deal based on her harrowing experience in the slammer.

Maybe the parents tried their best, but I have a feeling they are clueless about the real world. Her Mom may have known that world once, but that was long ago.

In the real world there are some people who violate a court order and drive with a suspended license. Usually they do so because they had to get to work, get the kids to school and there just was no other transportation available – like a chauffeur driven limo. Paris drove just to flip the bird to the legal system. “I’m Paris Hilton, I can do whatever I want”.

At 26 years of age, she was in court this week, crying for her Mommy. That might be an even more embarrassing tape for her to watch down the line, than 1 Night in Paris.

Related article: “If My Parent’s Had Raised Paris Hilton” by Alan Burkhart.