10086 Sunset Boulevard

Life, in the aftermath of heartbreak, can be a journey filled with land mines and booby traps. You walk into a store and there is music playing, music that you (as in the both of you) used to listen to and you have to make a hasty exit or cry in public. You turn on the television and a movie is playing, the movie that you used to enjoy watching together. Painful reminders are everywhere.

For the first two or three months after I became one of the broken hearted I didn’t want to watch any movies, listen to any music. Everything hurt too much, but I just watched a movie you can safely watch while your heart is still broken and you might even feel better.

Under the Tuscan Sun. The movie is somewhat based on Frances Mayes book of the same title about her life in Tuscany after purchasing a 300 year old villa that needed a lot of work. That premise provides the backdrop for the story, which is about making the decision to live your life after heartbreak. In the beginning we see Frances discover that her husband has been having an affair. We never see the husband, because it’s not about the cheating son of a bitch. It’s about her and the beginning of her new life. This serious subject is handled with humor, without making it trite. Frances has been wounded and you see others recognize that pain. It’s real, and the fact that she has been forever changed is acknowledged, but the movie doesn’t wallow.

This is more for the broken hearted female, although Audrey Wells who wrote the screenplay, does show that heartbreak is equal opportunity, not just men breaking women’s hearts. There is no “man bashing” - one of the most compassionate characters in the movie is male and remains faithful to his wife.

We can’t all take off to a foreign country to start life anew, and if we did, chances are pretty good that we don’t look like Diane Lane and it wouldn’t turn out the same for us, but for now you can take a safe little escape with this movie. Light some candles, grab your favorite blanket, make yourself a cup of something hot and Italian, or perhaps a glass of vino and let yourself be transported. The only down side to this movie is that it ends too soon.

Another three pounds down, twelve to go. Today’s weight: 154.

If you can’t say something nice about someone, post a fat picture. Star is too much of an easy target and not someone I’d planned on discussing here, but as I lovingly labor over my own soon-to-be-released book - about losing weight without adding stress to a broken heart - it irks the hell out of me when I see books of this nature written by the rich and pampered, on how they lost weight while being rich and pampered - especially when there is some controversy about how she actually lost the weight.

If you want to read something more balanced on Star Jones latest money making venture then go here. If you want to gag go here. Beware of popups on the latter website and you do have to enter your email address once inside the site to gain access to even more nauseating information and pictures. I think they frown on entering someone else’s email address, but it did cross my mind. I’m not even sure if this website is serious. I couldn’t stay long enough to find out.

I think it’s very important to be honest about the subject of weight loss. My book will not tell you how you can lose weight. That would be presumptuous and arrogant. I will be telling you, should you want to know, how I lost the weight. Although I have already lost a substantial amount, I won’t put the book out until I have gone all the way with it and am living proof that it works. If you should want to do what I did, or use it as a means to create your own diet, the means will be obtainable, because it won’t include surgery, personal trainers and a chef that will cater to your diet whims.

I heard that Barbara Streisand is dieting after “eating like a pig”. Yup, that’ll do it to you. Any fitting titles for her sure to be upcoming diet book?

Another pound down. I weigh 157 pounds. I’ve lost two pounds at this point, but since a person’s weight can fluctuate that much on any given day, I’m just not excited - yet. The weather is cold and I’ve been in hibernation mode. I even curled up in bed with Ovaltine on more than one rainy evening this past week. I don’t deserve to have lost this second pound. It feels like a fluke. I’ve grudgingly gone out into the cold and trudged around the block on my daily walk. A far cry from the freshly scorned “storm walking” I did last year.

I’ve been eating healthy food for the most part and I’m not lacking in energy. Time to take it up a notch and kick my butt into gear. I don’t need coddle myself any longer. My “revenge” is not complete yet - slender and successful, the only kind worth having - so it’s time to take myself out of the comfort zone and start reporting some worthwhile numbers.

I’ll weigh in next Monday and it won’t be another snooze fest. Promise.

Understanding men is something I didn’t think I would still be trying to figure out as I head rapidly toward my half a century mark. I thought I had it figured out long ago, but I was wrong. The way they are wired sexually never ceases to amaze me.

Last year, when I was trying to figure out why in the hell Dan did what he did, in the way he did it, I had to look at various aspects of our lives, including our sex life, or lack thereof. I had not been feeling sexy or attractive for a very long time, due in part to the circumstances of our life and the pounds I had put on. Before that, I had enjoyed a healthy sex life with Dan and in the back of my mind I thought that part of our life would come back together when things weren’t so stressful, when I lost weight, when we did this, when we did that, when hell froze over, the list went on and on.

“God, I thought we’d be alright without it,” I lamented to my younger brother and only sibling, Andrew shortly after being given the old “heave ho”. “But guys aren’t, are they?”

Not normally a conversation I would have with Andrew, but I was terribly hurt and trying to understand.

“No Jo, we’re not” he replied, “you know how they say guys think about every 20 seconds or something like that? Well, it’s true, we do. We think about it all the time, and if something happens that we can’t think about it for a few hours, then we have to spend the rest of the day thinking about nothing but sex, so no, we’re not alright without it”.

I wasn’t feeling comforted.

“Why don’t I already know this?” I cried.

I felt stupid, and let me tell you, scorned and stupid is one bitter little pill to swallow.

Testosterone is a potent drug. Women get a good blast of it around the time they ovulate. Some more than others. I can always tell when I am under the influence of testosterone. I can find at least one attractive quality about even the most unattractive man for a few days each month. I’m very careful about decisions I make during those times. It must be exhausting for guys to have live every day under the influence.

I had long email discussions with Maeve about my particular situation and the sexuality of men in general. One day her husband, Magnus, weighed in with some of his insights, saying something along the lines of men confusing sex with intimacy and women confusing intimacy with sex.

As I pondered that thought, another email came in from Maeve, which seemed to boil it all down to one thing:

“But keep in mind” she wrote, “this is from the same guy who just said “But a pussy is a pussy, even on a cow”.”

Is Jennifer Aniston a Scorned Woman? Since most of us don’t know what really happened, it’s not for us to say if what Brad did was cheating, but it looks like there might have been a definite overlap and she may indeed be a woman scorned. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through something of such a sensitive nature in the public eye, but it has to be crushing.

Jennifer Aniston has handled the situation with such grace that this seems to be working in her favor. She could have said nasty things about Brad Pitt and who would blame her? The only thing she has said about his total lack of indiscretion, is that he must have a “sensitivity chip” missing. What a lovely, gracious and classy way to say “the guy is an insensitive, inconsiderate, thoughtless ass”.

In an interview Brad Pitt said married life with Jennifer was great because now he could fart in bed. Uh huh. Just because he is Brad Pitt, doesn’t mean his farts don’t stink. It must have been pretty disillusioning for Jennifer Aniston, newly wed to Brad Pitt, having him fart in bed and have that be a notable married life event.

Brad Pitt scored Angelina Jolie and he couldn’t wait to tell the world about it “Hey world, look who I’m boning!” I wonder if he lets loose with the gas when he’s in bed with Angelina, or if he just saves that treat for marriage. It will be interesting to see how all of this works for him. His PR person must be in hell.

One pound down and sixteen more to go. I weigh 158 pounds today. On the fourth day of my diet I gained a pound. Taking an honest look at my body in the mirror, it was NOT because I had converted fat into muscle. Not yet. The initial part of my diet is a little bit of a mind game. Lots of blueberries, bananas, strawberries and whipped cream for desert. I pamper the hell out of myself and I feel well fed. Keeping the blood sugar level is a delicate procedure for me. The minute it goes off and I feel like I’m starving, I’m in danger of over eating. Other than a slight bit of discomfort on Friday (give me a chocolate cake NOW!), I have been feeling well. I’ve been exercising daily and zipping up my jeans today, I can see that the pound has come off the mid section, exactly where I wanted it to. Next weigh in – Monday, January 23rd.

If the new year has you launching or re-launching a diet and if like me, you’re looking for something to help with the sugar cravings, take a word of warning and read the labels. Many sugar free, low carb candies have sugar alcohols in them, which may have a laxative affect. Here are some postings from a low carb diet support group, from those who found out the hard way:

Carolyn:

Oh, the lovely sugar alcohol - they are yummy and soooo good! My first time left me farting my ass off!! So bad it sounded like ducks were following me around everywhere! Followed by the poops! But I still eat them - especially the Reese’s.

Doug:

My stomach was making sounds I didn’t know it was capable of producing. It reminded me of the scene in Dumb & Dumber when Harry is in the bathroom after Lloyd slips some Turbo-Lax in his drink. On a positive note, they are cheaper than Ex-Lax for when the ‘ol constipation hits.

Luna:

How do I make it stop!!! My stomach sounds like a chemical plant about to blow. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

John:

Sugar alcohol gives me the runs. My friend says it helps him when he’s constipated and resumes weight loss. My ass is so sore I cannot continue.

Theresa:

My husband and I tried the sugar free Hershey’s products recently. They were delicious but, OMIGOD! We lived in the bathroom. It got ugly. Never again. They were not worth the pain. For your sore bottom, try what I do. I buy the toilet paper that has vitamin E and aloe in it. I also use baby wipes, and sometimes put Noxzema on my TP and wipe with that. I have an inflammatory bowel disease so I’m kind of an expert on sore bottoms. Hope this helps.

Oh people! What is this doing to your colon? I think if I have to have it, I’ll stick to the real stuff. Small quantities of really good chocolate.

January 9th, 2006

It’s the “official” first day of Phase II of my diet plan. I weigh 159 pounds. At 5′8″ I can carry it off, but I have to dress to disguise certain “padded” areas. I could really do without that. I want to go into the changing room at the local department store with an armload of clothes and have it be a positive experience, not a traumatic one. Target goal, for now, is 142 pounds by March 31st, 2006.